The Deadliest Link – Season Premiere (Season 1, Episode 1)

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Deadliest Link!

As you know, the Deadliest Link is Faerun’s most exciting entertainment where we link you with individuals, our Daredelvers, exploring and surviving (or trying to) in Undermountain. Let’s get right to the show and introduce our Daredelvers.

Daredelver #1 is a Piper, a shadowy figure who has walked many alleyways to avoid the long arm of the law.

Daredelver #2 is Rurik and this half-orc hunter comes to us from the deep wilderness, far from civilization.

Daredelver #3 is the gnome Nilbas and this short wizard knows death in a manner that most of us would shudder to even think about.

Daredelver #4 is Isaac, a priest of an unknown god from far off, unknown lands.

Daredelver #5 is the half-orc Igmut and he combines his orcish savagery with the finesse and stealth of the city’s streets.

While I may be known as the Queen of Mean, I am not heartless. Our Daredelvers could use a little aid this episode and so I have gifts for them! For Piper, a Potion of Healing. For Rurik, a Ring of Thunder Resistance. For Nilbas, [I forgot.] For Igmut, a Cloak of the Bat!

[Random magic items can be so much fun.]

With all our housekeeping out of the way, audience, are you ready to play…the Deadliest Link?!?

{The linked audience cheers with unbridled enthusiasm.}

Daredelvers…prepare to be…The Deadliest Link!

{The linked lights fade to black and when the lights return, the Daredelvers are gone and find themselves in a dark corridor until Isaac summons a magical light.}

Ladies and gentleman, our Daredelvers have been transported to Undermountain. This particular section was initially the lair of a dreadful and deadly beast, a Beholder, but its first inhabitant was destroyed in a natural disaster and since then, this section has fallen to ruin and been rebuilt many times. Currently, it is simply known as the Hive of Fiendish Chaos. What will our Daredelvers find within the Hive?!?

{The Daredelvers begin to proceed with a great degree of caution and moving rather slowly.}

Ladies and gentlemen of our studio audience, I apologize. It appears that our Daredelvers may have been left a bit dazed by our magical transport. What do you say we spice things up? Vote yeah or nay and lock in your votes…now!

Ah, it is clear that you want excitement as you all voted yeah! Let’s see what we can do to satisfy that appetite for action.

{A nearly naked woman appears on the steps that the Daredelvers are descending behind the last of them, Isaac.}

Oh, did you hear that? Our little gnome Nilbas certainly has some spunk shouting out that he “aint’ skeered.” Let’s see if we can change that.

{As the near naked woman attempts to seduce Isaac–with little success–Piper reaches a door at the end of the winding corridor. Before she can do much else, the door opens. Behind it stands a large, vulture-like man thing with large wings and massive talons. It simply says, “I’m here for Nilbas.” Further conversation shows that the thing has no interest in fighting the rest of the group…just Nilbas…and that it is looking forward to having gnome for lunch. Instead of leaving the gnome to his fate, Piper and the others took the fight to the Vrock as the Succubus began to battle Isaac.}

Now that’s better, isn’t it? Is this what you want to see? Battle and blood?

{A raucous cheer erupts amongst the linked audience. The succubus disappears having been unsuccessful at charming and kissing Isaac. Meanwhile, the Vrock released a cloud of poisonous spores while begging their pardon for his social faux pas. As the Daredelvers largely focus on the Vrock, the Succubus popped in and out of the battle, whispering sweet promises of aid to any who would listen. The linked audience cheers and jeers as the tide of the battle ebbs and flows.}

This is what we want to see from our Daredelvers! Isn’t that right, Ladies and Gentlemen?!?

{The roar of the linked audience has lost none of its enthusiasm. When the Vrock falls to their attacks, the audience lets less a cheer for the Daredelvers. It appears that they want to see the Daredelvers succeed…at least for a little while.}

Dear, dear audience…that was ONLY THE BEGINNING. Those creatures were only to spur our Daredelvers to take more haste in their explorations. A lesson they seem to have learned. This fight was brought to you by Balthorr’s Rare and Wondrous Treasures. Are you looking for a rare coin? Military regalia? If so, Balthorr Olaskos is the man to see.

Let’s get back to our Daredelvers and see what they are up to now!

{While on the sponsored break, a few of the Daredelvers had pressed forward through another door in the chamber. Nilbas and Isaac lagged behind a bit. As Nilbas sets off to follow down the corridor, the Succubus appears in front of him and claims that she would love to teach the little man a few things. The little bounce of her ample bosom and cocking of her hips make it clear that she isn’t talking about wizardry. The linked audience lets out a mix of gasps, approving murmurs, and more than one catcall.}

Oh my, who would have thought that romance would be part of the Deadliest Link tonight? I certainly didn’t think so. Wait, what’s happening here?

{As Nilbas succumbs to the magically augmented charms of the succubus, he stands up on his tippy-toes as she bends over to kiss him.}

Ahh…demonic love.

{Even though it is clear that the kiss is sucking his life away, Nilbas is still too smitten to resist. Fortunately for him, Isaac came to the rescue. With the holy (or is it unholy) power of his unknown deity, he dismisses the demon’s magical charms and the succubus disappears.}

It looks like someone is a little jealous.

{Laughter erupts amongst the linked audience.

Rurik had come back to find Nilbas but arrives after the Succubus is gone. He turns to head back to Piper and Igmut at the point but finds that his vision is drawn to that same ample bosom that entranced Nilbas. As the Succubus says something about hoping that he was a real man, a real BIG man, catcalls erupt from the linked audience and one shout of, “demonic slut,” is heard.}

Well, it looks like our demonic lover has found a new victim, er, love. Can Rurik resist her lustful lure?

{The answer to that question came right away as Rurik welcomed the embrace of the Succubus and had some of his life drained away. The pain of the drain shakes him from his carnal coma and he attacks. The Succubus falls to the attacks.}

This romantic interlude has been brought to you by the Jade Dancer Tavern and Festhall. Feeling lonely? Looking for the companionship of a beautiful woman for the night? Head down to the Jade Dancer and one of their escorts will chase that loneliness away.

But romance is not what The Deadliest Link is about! Let’s see what trouble our Daredelvers have dug up for themselves now!

{As the focus shifts back to the Daredelvers, Piper is shouldering open a door made of bone. As she crashes through, the very floor beneath her feet animates. With a shuddering roar, a gaping maw opens and slams shut on Piper with wickedly long teeth. Lithe, she squirms and avoids most of the fangs but not all and looks much the worse for wear.}

Now that dog’s bite definitely was worse than its bark!

{Polite but short laughter briefly erupts from the linked audience.

Inside the chamber beyond, a trio of shadowy creatures float. Their lower torsos fade into nothing as do the tips of their wings and their demonic horns. Battle is joined but the creatures quickly flee. Already winded by their activities, the Daredelvers decide to rest for a bit with Rurik standing guard at the ruined door.}

This is a little embarrassing. It looks like we need to take an extended intermission as our Daredelvers appear a bit spent. Wait, what? I’m getting a report that there is action. Let’s get right back to the Daredelvers.

{One of the Shadow Demons is sneaking back into the room but it nudges part of the ruined door, making a sound that alerts Rurik. Battle is joined again and the other two demons also enter but quickly leave again. Piper and Rurik give chase. As the pair is about to go around a corner in a corridor, they notice a shadowy tendril sticking out from the corner. The demons ambush was spoiled. Battle is joined again and the Daredelvers are victorious.}

I suppose now we can take our intermission. For those here at The Deadliest Link, refreshments are available in the Lounge. We will resume in one hour.

{One hour passes.}

Welcome back to The Deadliest Link! That intermission was brought to you by The Swords’ Rest. Even the mightiest warrior needs some downtime and a place to rest. If you swing a sword and want some ale slung your way, The Swords’ Rest is the place for you.

While we were away, our Daredelvers decided that there was something decidedly and curiously strange about a dead-end corridor that they had found previously and have just begun their investigation of it.

{Piper and Igmut are searching the walls near the end of this dead-end corridor. Piper notices a small crack in one of the wall’s stones.}

What do you say linked audience? Is it time for a little action?

{A chorus of agreement is shouted.}

So be it, my wonderful crowd!

{Crawling out of the crack in the wall, Piper sees a small spider. The spider quickly grows larger and larger and before any of the Daredelvers can react, a full size Drider is in the small corridor with them! It wastes no time in attacking. The battle is fierce but the drider falls to the Daredelvers.}

Yet again, our Daredelvers are victorious! Is there nothing that can stand against them?

{A couple of shouts of, “No!” can be heard from the audience.}

Oh, is that what you think? That our Daredelvers are invincible? I think you’ll be proved wrong but before we head back, we have met the midway point of this episode. It is time for the Boon Box! Boon Box!!!

{A box with a small slot on top appears amongst the Daredelvers. Each places a small token within the slot and the box disappears.}

Well, audience, let’s see how the vote went. The winner of our first Boon Box is……Piper!

{A pair of flasks appear at Piper’s feet, marked Potion of Healing. She hands one each to her companions.}

That is so generous, audience. Sadly, Piper and her fellow Daredelvers don’t know something that I do. Do you want to hear the secret?

{A chorus of yesses drown out the single no response.}

Only Piper can use the Boon! The other Daredelvers can’t use the Boon. I look forward to future Boon Box votes.

{The Daredelvers continue down a long corridor…a very long corridor. Another long corridor leading off perpendicular from the current one. A distance away down the current corridor, Rurik spots something hanging from the ceiling.

The Daredelvers, perhaps intrigued, continue down this corridor until they can see that it is an iron chandelier. Igmut looks around the floor about twenty feet away from the adornment, looking for tripwires or anything else that might indicate a trap. Impatient, Nilbas passes by and goes right up to the chandelier and examines the floor under it. He firmly announces that it is safe and walks across.}

Uh oh, audience, didn’t you think the chandelier was an obvious clue that…

{BOOM! A massive peal of thunder echoes up and down the corridor. The concussion effect does considerable damage to Nilbas and minimal damage to Igmut. Thinking it safe, Igmut starts to walk under the chandelier.}

Who says a trap only triggers…

{BOOM! Another massive peal of thunder echoes up and down the corridor. More damage is suffered by the Daredelvers.}

…once!

{Rurik jumps over the floor under the chandelier, narrowly missing the chandelier itself. Piper jumps up, grabs the chandelier, and swings across to the cheers of the audience.}

Now that’s the spirit we like to see on The Deadliest Link! Although I am a bit surprised that the chandelier wasn’t trapped too. Whoever designed this section of Undermountain must be going soft!

{Laughter from the crowd.}

It looks like our Daredelvers are about to learn more about the Boon Box!

{Nilbas tries to remove the top of the Potion of Healing that Piper had given him earlier but he can’t get the top off. Handing it back to Piper, she removes the top with no difficulty. Handing it back, Nilbas tips back his head to drink it but nothing comes out! The liquid remains inside. Piper takes it back and drinks it with no difficulty.}

Our Daredelvers have just learned the “secret” of the Boon Box! A painful lesson for Nilbas!

{Following the twisting corridor farther, it ends in a dead-end. A bookshelf full of books stands at the end of the corridor. The books have titles like Wuthering Fights, Pain & Prejudice, and the like. Igmut and Piper give it a rather good look over but find no secret latches or anything that might indicate a secret door. They leave.}

Giving up so easily, perhaps we should introduce a little excitement. What do you say audience? Lock in your votes!

{Nilbas approaches the bookshelf and casts a spell.}

That is uncharacteristically merciful of you audience but you have spoken…no monsters will be introduced to speed things along.

{The gnome’s spell shows that one of the books is magical. The spine reads, “The Door.” As Nilbas pulls the book from the shelf, the whole shelf disappears to reveal an archway leading into another chamber. The chamber beyond is empty but has two more doors leading out. Passing through one, a corridor stretches off in two directions. One way turns and twists back to where the second door was in the chamber. The other way stretches off quite a distance, turns, and ends in a door and another side corridor.}

Wait for it my dear, dear audience. This is what you’ve been waiting for.

{The Daredelvers open the heavy iron door to reveal another chamber, long and narrow. A chest sits in one corner but their attention is drawn deeper into the room. A small red dragon and nearly a dozen sprite like creatures that look to be made of magma are all turning to look at the squeaking door!}

Yes! The dragon! This should be a glorious battle or my name isn’t the Queen of Mean!

{Piper quickly closes the door.}

What?!? What are you doing? Get in there and fight!

{As Piper and the others turn away from the door and head down the side corridor, the audience boos long and loud! The side corridor twists and turns and leads to yet another door, stone, and a side corridor. This side corridor ends some ten feet away with a disk mounted to the wall.}

Ladies and gentlemen, the Disk of Destiny! May Beshaba frown upon them for fleeing from the dragon!

{Nilbas quickly steps up and spins the wheel. It spins and spins and stops on an ancient rune.}

The Fates, ladies and gentlemen. It looks like Lady Luck has smiled on Nilbas.

{Igmut steps up and spins the wheel. It stops on yet another ancient rune.}

Skull! Thank you Lady Doom! Now we’ll get some excitement!

{A spectral skeletal figure clad in black robes appears right next to Igmut. It holds a large scythe and rasps in a whispery voice, “He fights alone,” swinging its ghostly scythe right through Igmut. Nilbas ignores the specter’s warning. Another of the figures appears right next to Nilbas and rasps out the same warning. Igmut attacks his apparitional opponent with no success. The scythes pass through their respective opponents.}

Now this is entertainment! Don’t you agree?

{The audience cheers! Piper and Rurik watch on having learned from the lesson Nilbas just learned. Nilbas invokes The Fates and his opponent simply disappears as if he had never been there…which is exactly true. It never happened. Igmut chooses flight over fight (literally as he uses his Cloak of the Bat) and flees down the corridor after casting invisibility upon himself. His foe, however, simply follows and moves with greater speed.}

As though Death can be thwarted by a minor magical spell. Ladies and gentlemen, we are now accepting wagers on how long Igmut will survive. Please place your bets now.

{Igmut flees to the door leading into the dragon’s room, opens it, and enters. Death follows, reiterating its warning about Igmut fighting alone. Two additional doors lead out of this room. Trying them both between chilling sweeps of Death’s scythe, Igmut finds them both locked!}

Oh dear, did he really think that he could escape that easily? Oh, your wagers indicate that you don’t have much faith in his ability to escape.

{Flying back to the door he entered, Igmut exits the dragon’s chamber and closes the iron door behind him, hoping that it will delay Death. Death, however, passes right through the door and attacks again.

The audience cheers with a bloodthirsty tinge.}

Such a fickle audience. I thought you were cheering FOR our Daredelvers. Let’s show some respect and have a moment of silence for our fallen Daredelver, Igmut. His trustee will be richly rewarded for his sacrifice in pursuit of your entertainment, here on…The Deadliest Link!!!

[And that is pretty much where we ended Episode 1 of Season 1. It is a “to be continued” episode.